I'm Still Here

Nothing will hurt me more than the day my grandma told me "vote republican or don't come home". Then jokingly followed with "I know you will". And it makes me wonder if my family even knows me.  I'll always fear the day I will break her heart, but I don't think I can do it much longer. I want to come out to my family but I just have so much fear of losing them. And I know I will, in some sort of way or get some kind of religious ass chewing. I fear losing them but I also fear them losing me. Losing me for who I really am and replaced with thoughts of "she's confused right now" or "she needs to get her life together".
I'm still here.
I never have and never will change.

A Year of Thought

So it's been over a year now since I started this blog.  It's crazy how fast a year can go by now days. I remember feeling like I was gonna be a kid forever when I was growing up but now that I'm getting older I wish back to those days when I was young. I can't believe I'm going to be a senior in college next year. I feel like I just got here.

And then it hit...

It was a feeling.

A feeling I got when i saw the person to take over my job this year at camp.

He truly is an amazing guy. I've worked with him before. 

But now i can't shake this feeling. 

Of no matter what I decide now 

there's no going back. 

I'm going to miss it. 

My escape.

My home.