I keep telling myself.

I keep telling myself
It will get better

I keep telling myself
This is normal

Not just me
But a part of everyone

We all have times like this

I keep telling myself
It's just a dream
But

Is it just a dream even
When it effects my reality?

I'm afraid to sleep
Afraid to sleep sober

Sometimes it feels like it will never be the same.
I miss dreaming about sunshine
and playtime
About starry nights and
flying kites

What happened to that mind
That serenity

How does this stop?
Does it ever

What I need is patients.
When it comes to this I can't say sorry enough because I know it's hard to see from the sidelines but I can only focus on whats real.
This pain I feel. It's the only thing that seems real anymore.
Why can't I make it go away.
But each time it just seems like it's getting harder, digging deeper, taking more out of me every single day.
I wish to be normal.
I wish to be taken far away from these feelings.
But they never leave.
They never let me sleep.
Never let me live.
But they never seem to fail to embarrass me. Leave me whimpering like a child.
It's not fair.
It's not like it's easy to talk about this. These feelings left better off undescribed.

How am I supposed to believe anything you've said? I really have to stop doing this to myself. I do. I can't handle this. Be happy without me because I can't stand losing you again. I can't.
I can't.
Be happy
without me