Torn

Why do I always sabotage myself. 
Good things are going but I just have to go and screw things up. I just don't know what to do. My minds leading me one way but my heart is anchored down. I fucked up everything again. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. Thats exactly what you deserve. Someone perfect. Why are things so different when it comes to love? I treasure a friendship that I can't stand to loose. I fear of loosing you. I don't want to chase you away. Because if things go wrong. I don't know what I will do.  I'm sorry I can't explain how I feel but things these days have to be complicated. I can't sleep at night sometimes just because of this. I avoid conversation because I don't know what to say. Why am I like this. It's annoying. Can't things just be simple?
I don't want to let you down. There's nothing special for me to offer.
I barely brush my hair. I have the hands of a blacksmith. My smile is crooked and my body is the complete opposite of perfect. I'm broke. My life is a mess, I can hardly keep it together. I'm self conscious of everything. I am not graceful. My future is not even a concern right now.
But if things ever got rough, I don't want them to end. I don't ever want to be a source of hate.
Now see, don't I over think everything?