I Just Want To Feel Okay

February 27th, 2008
"Okay , I have finally accepted that my life is an official train wreck. Everything this year is just piling on, one thing right after another and it's just to much. My scatter thought brain and sleepless nights are finally taken their toll, and each and everyday feels as if its longer. I cant even think of the words to say to get this off my chest. It's just to complicated. I cant wait until this awful endless winter is gone and i can sit outside with my guitar and see the stars and finally get the words i need to say to tell the people i care about, i love them. Friends are becoming scarce at school and my two bestest friends are leaving and that will be an endless depression until things are right again. When that will happen, I dont know . 
But things really never have been right so I dont expect anything to come"


I've been thinking about this old blog post a bit. I remember this time in my life. It really did feel endless. Some statements in this really break down some feelings for me. When I said that my friends leaving will be my endless depression. It's crazy how things like that stick. How is it that I can't keep you guys off my mind. It's been four years since we've been together and I miss you both. It just feels like you both completely left me out of your lives. Yeah, you left, I could deal with that. But going years at a time without you trying to contact me at all, killed me on the inside. It's in past tense for a reason. I'm over it. It's horrible to think that it's been so long that I had no choice but to move on. Then maybe one day if you remember who I am you'll say hello. Maybe remember those times we shared. The times when we felt invincible to the world because we didn't know what the world had to offer. My invincibility is gone, but I hope you kept yours. Then hopefully one day we can all remember what it's like to be together again. Maybe I'll remember why my hearts been holding on for so long. Far past exhausted, I had seemed to forgotten.