The Day I Thought I Lost You

It had been so long since we last talked.
Years.
But you were important to me just like I know I'm still important to you.
Since the summer of 2008 things have changed so much. I feel like you wouldn't even recognize the person I am today but I know the bond we had was strong. You were the only person I could relate to on so many levels. I do miss you, you know.
I remember nights of us endlessly playing music, talking, and laughing. Memories that I try to hold vivid in my mind but nothing blurred them like the day I got your text. I was sitting in my dorm TV room, and I swear you could see the color drain from my face.
"I love you. Goodbye."
I tried to keep my composure in front of my friends as I got up and left the room. Once the door shut behind me it only took seconds to hit. I called.
Called again.
and again.
I could tell you were sending me to voicemail but it didn't stop me from repeatedly calling.
and calling
and calling
I paced up and down the hall until I heard someone coming so I headed for my room, but that still left me face to face with one of my friends until I got there. She knew something was wrong but I kept walking.  With the slam of my giant blue door, there also came my break down as I slid down the door and fell onto the cold tile. The room was filled with darkness just like I felt the darkness taking over me. I kept calling.
and calling
and calling
I left messages, texts, everything. I had no idea what to do, I didn't even know where you were. It scared me out of my life and the fact that I know you would have done it if you gave yourself a reason to. I needed to get out so I ran from the dorms, found a spot in the woods, and called again.
and again
and again
I could tell your ring back was getting longer and longer, it scared me. Maybe you were drifting away slowly. I wanted to be there. To hold you. To help you. To tell you everything was okay.
I wasn't there for you.
It took me almost losing you to remember that I needed you so much. I NEVER meant to leave you out like I did. I NEVER meant for you to feel alone. I NEVER meant for you to feel like this.
I almost lost you that day. I almost lost myself.