More Than A Journey

I've destroyed my mind.
I hear people constantly saying "you only live once" and it scares me now that I'm living it, with this.
My one shot. One life. This.
I didn't mean for this to happen but years of constant abuse took it away from me. I messed up.
I can't get too mad, I was only a kid. But it's hard for me to not loose it every time I forget the littlest things. It's just like they were gone from my memory. I can laugh it off each and every time. But the truth is, it scares me.
Another day lost because I have no sense of time. Another odd question because I've forgotten where we're going. Another lap around the parking lot because I have no clue where I parked. Another opened beer because I had forgotten I just opened one. Another spilled glass of water because I had forgotten there was a glass there. But it's no use crying over spilled water. 
Never let bad tendencies take over just because you need relief from the world. In the end it might just take over.
I feel ruined.
It's my fault.