Mentally Stable

This is something that has been on my mind for a while. Am I mentally stable?

This subject arose while talking to on of my mentee's this summer. Of course the subject itself did not come up about me. That is not something I would talk about so much with a young high schooler. But the subject is always there if he ever wanted to talk.

But the gist of the conversation started about another boy who was just starting out this year working at camp. I talk to him frequently. He always asks for help and advise about his depression and cutting. I was always there to help as much as I could and was very aware of everything. 

Talking to this other young staff member ,who was friends with the kid, lead to him worrying about if his friend was mentally stable enough to handle a cabin of children. But I entrusted to him that I thought he was ready and could handle anything.  And he was. 

But with me remains the thought. Am I mentally stable enough to do what I do?....If my boss knew how things were would she even have hired me?.... If she found this page would I ever be hired back?

Am I mentally stable enough to work with children? Maybe working with kids is what keeps me stable. It makes me happy. Seeing them play, learn, grow. I train teenagers how to be leaders. I lead a leadership staff and a summer camp. If a 16 year old kid is worried about his friends mental capabilities of taking over a cabin, how much trust would I lose if he knew his supervisor was just as unstable if not worse.
Who would I lose?

Confessions

Forgetting What Brought Me Here

I remember those days when I was entertained for hours, just by keeping my eye behind the lens. Nothing else mattered. I just wanted to get home from school and mess around with my camera for hours on end. Once school was out till my mom forced me to go to my room at night. Which I still ended up taking pictures. It was new to me and I loved it. I never really had art in high school, ever. Which is funny because now I'm an Art major. Thats how much I loved it. I'll never forget those days where photography was a passion that kept me going. It's not like it's completely gone but until I get a working camera it kind of is.
 I miss it so much.

My Portfolios
http://www.photosig.com/go/users/view?id=310420

Without You I Am Miserable At Best

Déjà vu uv àjéD

So I see this happening again.
I have really good friends.
But all of them have other really good friends.
When the tables turn.
I get left behind.
Happened in high school.
Guess it's just history repeating itself.
Please.
Not again.

September 5th, 2011

I almost did it. I almost deleted every friend under the age of 16 from my facebook page. Sounds stupid, I know. But I can’t have them looking up to someone like me. They ask me for advice. Talk to me. Ask for help. Everything I've always wanted to be for the younger generation. 

A Role Model. 

Those kids deserve better. And maybe if I removed them they could start forgetting that one person they might have looked up to.

There's nothing here you want to look up to.

Nothing.

It's so easy to give advice once you've been through certain things. Having little kids come to me with there problems at school with bullying and depression, love and loss. I've never found it hard to give them straight answers. A few have even come to me about cutting and suicide. It's all very unsettling, but I try my best to help them. They deserve so much more. Someone to show them whats right. Someone real.

Hypocrisy. My friend. Is me.

To The Home I Love

For nine years I've had the privilege of waking up to a beautiful sunrise over Corey Lake. I can't explain how much I love this place and the people there. Now this may sound funny, it's just a summer camp. How have I developed a connection like this?
For the past nine years Camp Wakeshma has been my escape.
Whether it was one week as a camper or an entire summer as a staff member each year has surpassed the last. It's hard to think that it could get better but somehow it always does. But each summer is irreplaceable in my heart. This place keeps me going.
I owe my life to this place.
Again I was that awkward kid who didn't have many friends. Camp Wakeshma was one of the first places I was offered acceptance. People didn't care what clique you were in or how you dressed. All we cared about was how much free time was left and if we could pass notes during rest period. As a young kid it was good to finally feel like I belonged. Then once I became a staff member I felt as if everything clicked. I finally made a good choice. I'm glad my boss has more confidence in me than I do. I would have never seen myself in this position five years ago. I probably would have laughed if someone said I was the future program director. I know this has to sound cheesy and cliché but for a severely depressed teenager a place like this can really form and shape your life. My life would be drastically different if I never stepped foot at Wakeshma. I wouldn't have many friends. I wouldn't be studying at Northern right now, I honestly probably wouldn't even be in college at all. In all honesty I don't think I would even be here. As scary as that sounds it's the truth.
I owe my life to this place.
I owe Camp Wakeshma for making me who I am.
The memories I have are endless.
The kids always put a smile on my face.
And the friends I have are forever. Family.

I will never forget this place.